I don’t always feel like doing life anymore. I am happy, probably the happiest I’ve ever been, but when the waves of the world toss me around, I don’t feel strong enough to fight against the currents. I think I’d rather let myself go with the flow and be pulled under if that’s where I end up. If only the turbulent winds would just carry me away to a place where only love and acceptance exist. But that is not the life I have been born into, and that is not the life I’ll ever know.
Love can make a person crazy. One moment we can be flying high as a kite in bliss-filled folly, and the next, be stuck knee-deep in the fast forming muck of dolor. Mostly makes me wonder, is there ever an end? Even though I already suspect I know the answer, I’ve still never figured out how to live with the tragedies of love. I just continue to remain tangled up in all the delights and despairs, entertaining the knock of love whenever it happens to find me. Seems like I would’ve learned my lesson by now, but I guess that just shows the true value of love. It’s worth more than any cost we could ever bear. So we open our arms to it, time and time again, hoping that someday happiness will come along instead of dismay.
You’re the only one who truly ever knew me. I confided in you nearly every day. I whispered to you all my secrets in the dark, and promised you everything my little heart could give. You were the only one who listened every day when the fights erupted. You heard my screams and comforted me the best you could. When I cried my eyes out, spilling out countless tears, you showed me that I was not alone. You never left my side, which always made me feel loved. And you’re still special to me, even though you’re not a living being. I think you’re the only reason I had any hope at all back then because my little girl eyes couldn’t find love or comfort anyplace else.