I keep track of all the days…

I keep track of all the days in between;
the ones when you don’t say you love me.
And during those days,
my heart beats a little less enthusiastically,
the sighs are a little longer,
and my shoulders slump a little more.
Sometimes the longing and the aching
can be almost unbearable.
But then I think back to all the times
when those three little words
were never spoken at all;
all those years filled
with such a lonely longing in my chest.
I know I will never be in that place again
because you always remind me of that
with your steadfast presence every day.
And when that realization hits me,
that you’re not leaving me,
I’m finally able to stop myself from falling,
cradling my mind, and finding comfort
in my own embrace.
It’s in that nurtured state
that I somehow find a way to let go
of the demons which harbor my weary discontent.
And eventually, that nagging feeling
starts to evaporate, disintegrating bit by bit
in every relaxing exhale,
calming a little more in every deep breath.
I’m never quite the same, though,
as my own strength can never carry me
all the way through.
And so I wait patiently until you’re here again,
reminding me that love is more than words.
But because you know I need to hear it,
you expose your stubborn soul to me,
finally giving in to my neediness.
And that’s when my heart explodes
in reassured joy
because your loving words mean everything to me.
And even though I already know you love me,
the reminder frees my soul and refuels my spirit.

© 2021 Michelle Cook


Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/natural-woman-in-park-female-4646384/

Behind forbidden’s door

Turn this page over
See what’s behind
In-between the creases
I cannot hide
You’ll see my reality
The truth that I face
The depth of my desires
I dare not taste
Each sweeter than honey
These visions I explore
Yet locked in silence
Behind forbidden’s door

© 2020 Michelle Cook


Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/fantasy-dark-gothic-dream-woman-4565555/

The one named “Longing”

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Mother’s Tree

I think it kinda looks like your heart
The branches being the fruits of your labor
Such a long time it has been
But they’re finally budding
The roots are of all the things you have touched
So many lives have felt them
The black and white colors you wish were full of pinks
Yet you know that can never be so
Four seasons of seven branches
14 black
14 gray
The longer black branches of the past
Many memories of your childhood
Many darker memories
Gray
The fruits of your labor
Finally budding
Some being in the works longer than the other
Soon you will see the fruits
Buds like hands
Reaching out
Reaching out into the world
Though darker thoughts tend to over shadow them
Just give them plenty of light
They’ll bloom in time
Two black
Two grays
Long blackened winter
Short gray spring
On the right lies fall and summer
The trunk to connect it all
Both dreams, hearts
So many thoughts
Yet why must such a heart be gray and black?
Grown and weary
It’s hard to see the rainbow of your childlike self
It’s still there though
It’s always been there
Trying so hard to see color
Eyes full of black and gray nights
You stare at those by your side
God
And another one
Close to your heart
Is it Daddy?
Or is it something even deeper
Deep in the depths of your mind
A lost thought?
Someone always there by the tree
Holy spirit?
Jesus?
Ocean waves
Staring back at quiet waters
I see you now
You’re the one named “Longing”

By Brianna Lynn Cook (Written June 6, 2017)


I once had a dream and in that dream there was a tree.  The tree in my dream left such an impact on me that I decided to draw what I had seen.  This is my daughter’s interpretation of the tree from my dream.  Remarkably, her words were spot on and every time I read this, I get goosebumps.  My daughter has this amazing gift of seeing what others cannot.  And even though this interpretation means nothing to anyone else, it means the world to me that she could see it.  Only a young girl with the sweetest disposition and the purest of hearts could have such knowledge.  I am blessed to call her my daughter.

Here is my own recollection of the dream…

There was a tree, my favorite tree of all. It was actually a culmination of several different types of trees growing all together. I could still see and appreciate its beauty, even though it was slowly dying. There were numerous buds on the tree. Each tightly shut, preserving what was a potentially beautiful blossom on the inside. Every day, I stared at my tree, longing for it to blossom, waiting for it to bloom. But alas, the more I watched my tree, the more lifeless it became. And as much as I wished those tightly closed buds would bloom, they would not open. They were colorless and gave me a sense that all hope was lost. I became so lost in the sad state of the tree that I could see nothing but grey, even in my own life. The tree seemed to have four parts to it. Representing each season and some of the seasons were longer and some shorter. I wondered if in time, if the withered state of its branches would eventually blossom and bloom separately, or if they would all just remain as unfinished potential. It made me so incredibly sad not to know the future outcome of this amazing tree, one which I had always loved and still do.


Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/vectors/tree-drawing-abstract-conceptual-3363518/

Rediscovering you…

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When I read your words
All those wonderfully inspired words
A sense of longing and desire
Pulls me straight to you

As hard as I sometimes try
I can never deny your existence
Your words they come alive
Because you live in every one

© 2020 Michelle Cook


Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/book-bible-scripture-open-book-1210030/

Missing you…

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I just spent two long hours
Pouring out how I feel
Then deleted all the words
That I wanted to conceal

I was rambling on
And nothing made sense
I feel like everything I say
Is in self-defense

I guess I’m just feeling lost
Because everyone is gone
And most don’t understand
How I’ve felt all along

And so the tears have won again
Like they sometimes do
I guess this is just what happens
When I find myself missing you

© 2019 Michelle Cook

Why?

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I pray for random words
To fill this void in my head
But as time slowly passes
My thoughts only feel dead

Expired of emotion
So tired of the drill
Inundated with mindless efforts
Without any thrill

Is this the cost of living
For a future unknown
To sit everyday in silence
Completely alone

One day… one day…
It’ll be for the best they insist
Tell me… tell me…
Then why do I still resist?

© 2018 Michelle Cook

Day’s end

grass

Summer breezes graze
Each blade of grass
Whipping up the current
With a little bit of sass

The vibe it creates
Brings a surge of fun
Even as the day
Is now nearly done

The memory it leaves
Is an everlasting treasure
Moments like these
Just cannot be measured

It’s so hard to say goodbye
And yet we must go
As the sun begins to sink
Beneath its heavenly glow

© 2018 Michelle Cook

Too late for love

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Night after night
She whispers his name
Calling for him
But it’s always the same

No answer comes
For he’s just an illusion
Created by a mind
Who’s tired of seclusion

So she lays there awake
Against unsullied sheets
Listening to the silence
As only her heart beats

And she thinks of her life
Ever wishing for more
Hoping for a future
To bring all she yearns for

Yet reality sets in
That this could be her fate
And maybe for her
Love is just too late

© 2018 Michelle Cook