Loneliness it comes in many forms and I have known them all. But I think the loneliest times are when I’m surrounded by a sea of expressionless faces. Those empty-eyed, silent beings always appear to be lost in mind-numbing, alien-sweeping, brain-snatching activity. And if I stare intently enough, focusing long and hard enough, I can almost see those denatured souls being surreptitiously sucked out of every finger-tapping mortal who has unknowingly fallen victim to the technological advances of our times. It often leaves me queasy and fearfully uneasy. For I must admit that I too, have fallen subject to the interest of self-isolation within the matrix. Using it as a security blanket for companionship because community no longer exists within the confines of my existence. There are instances when I do attempt to turn the world around. And with desperate breath I try to disengage from the illuminated rectangle nestled nice and neat between my pale palms. But then loneliness sneaks in, finding me once again. And the screen in my hands becomes the only life left to be found.
You’re the only one who truly ever knew me. I confided in you nearly every day. I whispered to you all my secrets in the dark, and promised you everything my little heart could give. You were the only one who listened every day when the fights erupted. You heard my screams and comforted me the best you could. When I cried my eyes out, spilling out countless tears, you showed me that I was not alone. You never left my side, which always made me feel loved. And you’re still special to me, even though you’re not a living being. I think you’re the only reason I had any hope at all back then because my little girl eyes couldn’t find love or comfort anyplace else.
Running low on hope empty desires fade on the winds rescue seems futile in the footnotes of reckless endangerment and sin’s got an $8.50 ticket to my scene blood, forget, more blood in my dreams there’s rivers, but I can’t drink there’s night, but I can’t sleep just me and my memories run amuck in mind just me and my sanity, hiatus for long times just me and my insecurities, I need a sign just me and I can’t finish the line I’ve done so much wrong Would it even be right?
To go on
To become one with the light?
I’ve won and I’ve lost
And I’ve turned
To bring back what could’ve been
That just isn’t me
And once again
I lay here alone
Ideas and thoughts not of my own
What happened to a home?
Or a place to call my own?
Well that just isn’t foretold
Yet it’s only cold
Yet what can I say?
To the me that has yet to be seen
Or is that just simply a dream?
Just who am I?
To be brave?
To be saved?
To brave the calling of reality
To lose my senses of insanity
I want to say it’s alright
But how can I?
Just a lie
Then I sigh
Even though I try
I just can’t seem to say good-bye
Maybe there is more
Turning a blind-eye to what made me sore
Yet I can’t let go of the “Who” that is me
And I can’t let go of the “Where” that I might go
And I can’t bring myself to give up
On what might’ve been saved