I keep track of all the days in between; the ones when you don’t say you love me. And during those days, my heart beats a little less enthusiastically, the sighs are a little longer, and my shoulders slump a little more. Sometimes the longing and the aching can be almost unbearable. But then I think back to all the times when those three little words were never spoken at all; all those years filled with such a lonely longing in my chest. I know I will never be in that place again because you always remind me of that with your steadfast presence every day. And when that realization hits me, that you’re not leaving me, I’m finally able to stop myself from falling, cradling my mind, and finding comfort in my own embrace. It’s in that nurtured state that I somehow find a way to let go of the demons which harbor my weary discontent. And eventually, that nagging feeling starts to evaporate, disintegrating bit by bit in every relaxing exhale, calming a little more in every deep breath. I’m never quite the same, though, as my own strength can never carry me all the way through. And so I wait patiently until you’re here again, reminding me that love is more than words. But because you know I need to hear it, you expose your stubborn soul to me, finally giving in to my neediness. And that’s when my heart explodes in reassured joy because your loving words mean everything to me. And even though I already know you love me, the reminder frees my soul and refuels my spirit.
I stepped away, left the beaten path, and traversed my own way to find my way. It wasn’t easy, and I’m still not quite there, but the decision to take a different course has enabled me to leave behind everyone and everything that was steering me towards that dreadful rocky road, the one we all sometimes face. It was lucky for me that somehow in my heart, I knew I was going nowhere. I remember peril, urging me on from that tempting horizon, and it was so hard to say no. But now, after walking away from where troubled waters sloshed at my feet, I see peace, at last, urging me on, guiding me towards the finish line. Of course, now It’s up to me to regain my bearings and finally go after what I’ve been seeking all along. And if I can do all that, I might just have done all that I was meant to do.